The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

I don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.'

Dad: I named you after my father. After my father: I know

What do you call a kangaroo’s lazy joey? A pouch potato.

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

My wife screamed "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" What a weird way to start a conversation...

I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.

What did the sink tell the toilet? “You look flushed.”

Why are butter jokes so hard to make? Because there is no margarine for error.

You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.

What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business.

My buddy Brian had a kid a few years ago. He comes to me this summer and he goes... "Man, my son just flunked the third grade. I don't know how to tell him he will be held back a year."I was like, "I guess you better tell him slowly so that he will get it."

My wife is turning 32 next Monday. I’ve told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. “After all,” I said, “The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.”“What are you talking about?” she asked.I said, “It’s your thirty-second birthday.”

A man with authority walks into a bar. He orders everybody around. (Must admit this is a re-post from another thread I read that made me chuckle)