The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?

When the grocery store checker asks me if I want my milk in a bag, I say no, I’d rather keep it in the carton.

My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.

At the job interview, they asked me, “Where do you see yourself in five years?”

Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.

I saw a man on a date with his really hot wife and I jokingly asked him how he wound up with a woman so beautiful. He said, I put my hands on her I am a misogynist. I was shocked and bewildered and looked to the wife for an explanation but she turned to her husband and said, honey you have to say "massage therapist".

I went into a cafe today to get some hot cocoa and sit down. The lady at the table next to me was on her computer and clearly becoming irate. She starts getting all huffy, throwing expletives here and there under her breath. Seconds later, she goes full crazy... "You can't tell me what to do you stupid piece of trash!?!" I happened to glance over at her screen and see this, she was in command prompt...C:\Users\Karen>taskmgr.exe

My dad always told me he never made the same mistake twice Must be why I'm an only child

Tiger Woods wanted to play at The Masters..... But everyone knew he’d have trouble getting past the turn.

What's the Difference between Pink and Purple? Your Grip. 🙂

My son has his BA and his MA-but his PA still supports him.

"I drew up plans for Duckingham Palace, but I can't find them. So I guess we'll just have to wing' it."

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!'

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.'