The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

As I was picking up my mother in law from the airport, I asked her, “So, how long do you think you’ll be staying with us?”She answered, “Well... for as long as you like.” “Not even for coffee??”

I was the number one tire salesman over 12 out of 15 quarters They were mostly Good years

I bought a pair of Meatloaf underpants [NSFW] The front says "I would do anything for love", and the back says "but I won't do that".

Wife: Darling, let’s enjoy our weekend this week! Husband: Sounds good! Let’s meet on Monday.

I was having trouble reading the paper the other day . . . . . . so I went to the optimist and he said everything was fine.

Have a daughter named after my mother in law Passive-Agressive Psycho turns 5 next week

What do you call Mountain Dew that gives you a heart attack? Mountain Dew Code Blue

I performed an opening one night for a surgeon, really funny guy They kicked me out of the hospital and called the cops

Apparently I know next to nothing about the Middle East Looks like I’ve been living under Iraq.

I walked into my boss's office and handed him a pear... "What's this for? he asked.I replied, "A raise. My wife told me to grow it first and then ask you."

I parked my car outside parliament. "Sir, you can't park here," said a cop. "This is where our politicians work." "Don't worry, I've locked it."

I've been racking my brain trying to remember what that American sitcom was called set in a bar.. Any help would be appreciated.Cheers.

I told my actor friend to break a leg... .....but, I'm not worried, he'll have a supporting cast.

Iron-man and Silver Surfer are teaming up The are alloys now.

Why did the scarecrow get a promotion? He was out-standing in his field