The Best (and Worst) Jokes About Your Dad 👋

Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.

What rock group has four men who don't sing? Mount Rushmore.

I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.

So what if I don’t know what apocalypse means? It’s not the end of the world.

How many DIY buffs does it take to change a light bulb? One, but it takes two weeks and four trips to the hardware store.

I was just reminiscing about the beautiful herb garden I had when I was growing up. Good thymes.

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it!

I had to sell my vacuum cleaner. All it was doing was gathering dust.

My daughter just shrieked at me, 'Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?' What an odd way to begin a conversation.

I built a model of Mount Everest and my son asked if it was to scale. 'No,' I said. 'It's to look at.'

Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test? He's an excellent parallel Parker.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!

Husband: My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home ... Sergeant at Police Station: What is her height?Husband: Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.Sergeant: Weight?Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.Sergeant: Color of eyes?Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really ... read more

Policeman: why do you keep beating your wife?? Me: I think it's the weight difference, the longer reach, and superior footwork

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Duunnnnnnng.