The Best (and Worst) Pun-Based Dad Jokes 👋

I realize I've put on some weight, so I joined an aerobics class. When I got there I jumped and gyrated and bent and twisted. But by the time I got my gym shorts on the hour was over.

As we were sitting down for dinner, my girlfriend told me, “I think we need to see other people... For starters, I’m sick of your terrible jokes.” I said, “Ok. And for the main course?”

How do you know a man is a programmer? Send him shopping and tell him: "Get a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get 10." If he comes back with 10 loaves of bread, he's a programmer.

A physicist on trial for murder stated that Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle made it impossible to place him at the scene of the crime The judge gave him a life sentence and told him to use his expertise to determine what quantity of his person was within or outside of prison at any given time

I finally thought of a joke with just the right amount of dry humor I’ll post it soon

[OC] Three little kittens are sliding slowly of a slanted metal roof. Which one hits the ground first? The one with the littlest mew.(This is a physics joke, by the way. I posted it to /r/physicsjokes shortly after I wrote it, but I thought I'd try here)

Why did the letter arrive wet? Because it had postage dew.

I wasn't going to get a brain transplant. But then I changed my mind.

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me.

Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

What do you call a snake that loves building houses? A boa constructor.

I have a clean conscious—it's never been used.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Can a tiger find the man cub? Shere Khan

I don't know whether there is a dumpling-shaped pasta made of potato flour, but I'll believe it when I see it. You can say I'm agnocchic.