The Best (and Worst) Twitter Trending Dad Jokes 👋

Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

I have a joke for all you sorting by new. A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.An **optimist** sees light at the end of a tunnel.A *realist* sees a freight train.The ***train driver*** sees three morons standing on the train tracks.

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

You can't trust atoms. They make up everything!

Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.

Why was the woman turned off when Yoda said "Hello. My name is Yoda. It's nice to meet you." He was being too forward.

Few years ago I saw Slim Shady in concert and instead of rapping he just kept pulling his pants down and mooning the crowd. Honestly the whole thing was just Em bare assing.

A vegan, an anti-vaxxer, and a flat earther walk into a bar I know because they told everyone in 5 minutes.

Fun fact: there is a bank you can go to get gold without being arrested. It’s called Reddit.

How do you measure the mass of an influencer's following? By Instagrams!

I hope someone comes across this distress signal Damn it, I used the wrong flare

What do you call an upvote that changes colors ? A karma chameleon

Have you guys heard about those new courdoroy pillows? They’re making “headlines”

Thanks Google Nest.... I get a notice on my phone saying a unknown person was seen walking in the house early morning...shows a picture of me.... well.. fuck you to you judgmental asshole lol

Anyone got a fork and a plate? Reddit handed me a slice o cake, but 2hrs til it expires and they left me without silverware and fine china needed to enjoy it 🙁