The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Amazon & Tech 👋

Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Thinking of having my ashes stored in a glass urn. Remains to be seen.

My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I’m trying to put him off. I’m convinced his life will be in ruins.

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.'

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, 'That’s arson.'

Mountains aren't just funny. They're hill areas.'

My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. 'That's my stepladder,' he said. 'I never knew my real ladder.'

I think my wife is putting glue on my antique guns collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home!

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn’t have any idea either.

If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.

Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just wanted a bit more space.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.