The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Dads 👋

I love dad jokes, but I don't have kids, which makes me a Faux Pa.

What do you call a fibbing cat? A lion.

Where did Napoleon keep his armies? Up his sleevies!

I was U2's bass player in their early days One night I shoved Bono into our guitar player while he was doing a solo, and after tumbling over him, he got up and stabbed me with his pocketknife.I thought that was a bit extreme, but guess I shouldn't have pushed him over The Edge.

A man enters a butcher's shop The man wants to buy some spread sausage: "Good morning, can I get some from the coarse and thick one, please?"Butcher: "I'm sorry, but she's at trade school today."

My wife caught me standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in my stomach. Ha! That's not going to help, she said. Sure, it does, I said. It's the only way I can see the numbers.

A son tells his father, 'I have an imaginary girlfriend.' The father sighs and says, 'You know, you could do better.' 'Thanks Dad,' the son says. 'That means a lot.' The father shakes his head and goes, 'I was talking to your girlfriend.'

I'll call you later.' Don't call me later, call me Dad.

Doctor: I think your DNA is backwards.ME: …And?

What kind of cars do eggs drive? Yolkswagens.

Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.

My dad told me a joke about boxing. I guess I missed the punch line.'

I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

How did the farmer fix his torn overalls? With a cabbage patch.

Why do vampires always seem sick? They're coffin.