The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Dads 👋

The wife and I walked passed a swanky, expensive restaurant last night. She said "The aroma of their cooking from there is absolutely gorgeous" Being a spontaneous sort of guy, I thought I would treat her. So I turned her around and we walked past it again.

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you." The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?""No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fckng business."

What does Old McDonald's farm and an old Asian women's closet have in common? There's a muumuu here, a muumuu there....

This is the anniversary of my great great great grandfather inventing camouflage. Not that anyone noticed.

What did the DNA say to the other DNA? "Do these genes make me look fat?"

How do you make an egg roll? Just give it a little push.

I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.

Your wife and daughter look like twins,' my friend said. 'Well,' I replied, 'they were separated at birth.'

What does a baby computer call his father? Data.

Where do dads store their dad jokes? In the dad-a-base.

I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, 'I don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.'

I had a neck brace fitted years ago and I've never looked back since.'

I want to go on record that I support farming. As a matter of fact, you could call me protractor.

My toddler is refusing to nap. He’s guilty of resisting a rest.

What do cows like to read? Cattle-logs.