The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I finally got out of an abusive relationship I'm glad, my hands were starting to hurt! ^(Source: SrGrafo stream musings)

My Uncle used to say, to get what you want, you need to be frank with people. If that doesn't work, don't be afraid to get curt with them. If that's still not working, try showing them your dick. Show them your impression of Dick Nixon, Everybody loves a good impression

If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck.

Did you hear about the tragic crash of the small plane into the cemetery? So far they've recovered 324 bodies.

What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold down the pillow long enough.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, "I'm getting a divorce," she was the first one to like it.

My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage. I take that as a compliment.

It’s because they can’t see sh!t at night.

Of all the inventions of the last 100 years, the dry erase board has to be the most remarkable.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

Concerned that his son was spending too much time on video games, a dad told him, “When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace.” “Oh yeah?” the son retorts. “Well, when Abe Lincoln was your age, he was President of the United States.”

To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide but you can't run.

My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

My wife and I let astrology get between us. It Taurus apart.