The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I used to be able to play piano by ear, but now I have to use my hands.

Where do dads store their dad jokes? In the dad-a-base.

To the person who stole my case of energy drinks: I bet you can't sleep at night.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?

Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn't change color? He had a reptile dysfunction.

Stop looking for the perfect match; use a lighter.

What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow? An animal that’s in a baaaaad mooood.

I dreamt about drowing in an ocean made of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta Sea.

I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that's just nuts.

How do you get Texas to regulate their power grid? Rename it uterus.

Thanks to my internet service provider, I was finally able to read a book.... They had an outage

HURRICANE SANDY UPDATE Mitt Romney has advised everyone in the path of Hurricane Sandy to make their way to their 2nd or 3rd homes immediately.

I have a new starter business idea that's going to go viral! It's a unique product, created by harvesting the eggs from dead women… I'm calling it: Cadaviar.

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"