The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

What do lazy farmers grow? Couch potatoes!

Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.

Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.

My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me. "She obviously has COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Because she has no taste."

Am I the only man my wife has ever dated? Unfortunately yes, she said the others were all nines or tens!

You can actually file a lawsuit against the federal government in the United States. It's a myth that you can't. All you have to do is simply take some specific medication. And that medication, my friends, is Sudafed®

In my efforts to come up with a unique style of music, I tried to mesh together the elements of Jazz and Funk. But it just sounded like junk.

(NSFW) I have celiac disease, and my BDSM wife likes to tie me up and feed me wheat bread... I’m a gluten for punishment.

Did you hear about the politician that ran out of ideas? I told him he's probably constipated, and drinking a cup of coffee should get the shit flowing again.

I'm starting to get self-conscious about my body odour... On my last two dates the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex. I can't quite place the brand but it had a distinct sharp peppery smell.

Every morning my girlfriend pegs me relentlessly and proceeds to beat me with her huge hands. She's one of the best cribbage players I know.

Everyone debates butts vs. boobs, but nothing beats a pretty face. Except for Chris Brown

What did grandma say to the old fountain? You aged well!

I was at a nudist beach... and I saw a man walking by wearing nothing but his glasses.And I thought, "What does he do when his glasses get dirty?".

Why did it take John Rhys-Davies so long to get married? Bad dates.