The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I have an ability that I can leave buildings 3m before the fire alarm goes off But for some reason people call me pyromaniac

If a woman drinks two glasses of wine a day, it increases the chances of a stroke by 50% Let her finish the bottle and she'll probably suck it as well.

A man walks into a therapists office And the therapist asks what do you think will be going through your head in 3 Years? hopefully a bullet

My 4 year old niece's unintentional dirty joke. Why did the fan blow itself? Because it was turned on!

A snail started racing NASCAR and asked the racing board if he could use an S on his car instead of a number. "Why would you want to do that?" one of the board members asked. "So that when I speed around the track, the onlookers will shout, 'What the hell was in that acid, snails can't drive cars!"

I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!

I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!

30 percent of pet owners let their pets sleep in their bed. I tried it and my goldfish died.

I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram. I was like, 0mg.

I told my dad he had to quit smoking. When it came to his health we just couldn’t brisket.

My uncle was never good at throwing stuff away He died from a hand grenade

They call someone who wears boxer shorts a boxer, they call someone who wears swim shorts a swimmer, but what do you call someone who doesn't wear any shorts at all? A swinger.

I told my mother in law "When war comes, I'll just be eating human flesh as well". "You shitting me?!" She asked. "Maybe." I replied.

I asked a friend over for Netflix and Chill and put on Toy Story Within 30 minutes I had a friend in meall credit goes to u/APater6076

What's the hardest part about riding a scooter? Telling your parents you're gay.