The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration? **The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a gross negligent manner. **

Whats the worst place to loose ypur virginty? At a family trip to Alabama

My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed. After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.

What does drinking kombucha and giving blow jobs have in common? If you've ever finished one properly, you already know.

Why do old plumbers only clean sewer lines during the day?

I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a traffic cop, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, 'I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.' The patient asks him, 'Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?' The doctor calmly looks at him and says, 'Nine.'

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”