The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My ex left me because, according to her, I’ll never amount to anything. 15 years later, I have one thing to say to her. Lucky guess.

Why did Mrs. Claus finally leave Santa after all these years? She found out about his other two hos.

Who's the only organization with a higher death rate than PETA? The Make-A-Wish foundation.

I still remember what my mother in law said just before she died "Stop shaking the ladder YOU LITTLE $#%@!"

Hey do you know why they don't smoke pot in the middle east? ... apparently burning the Qur'an gets you way more stoned.

My vegetarian wife wanted the egg smell gone from the pan in which I cooked scrambled egg So i cooked beef in it.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

Why did the thief take a shower before robbing the bank? He wanted to make a clean getaway.

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.

I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic...It’s called the Plaguestation 5.

I wanted to make a joke about people that do drugs But that’s where I draw the line

I don't know why people are so happy about Robert Mugabe's death... I mean, didn't he turn all of his countrymen into billionaires?

I heard Venezuelan currency has inflated so much they are weighing it instead of counting it. Looks like they finally transitioned from bolivars to pounds.