The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Why did the Germans bail the Greeks out? Because they took Pita on them

I remember when I first started using drugs. I was 18 years old. It all started with a spliff, the odd bong or two. Before I knew it, I'd started using amphetamines like speed and for a stronger buzz, I moved on to ecstasy. It wasn't long after, that I started on the hard stuff, like cocaine and heroin.I was a complete mess.I was broke and my body was ruined.But fuck me, what a night.

On my first day at my new job I was fired for not tucking in my shirt. How I was supposed to tuck in a crop top is beyond me.

I started to let Jesus take the wheel, but then I remembered... that motherfucker ain’t afraid to die.

I found a cucumber on the bathroom floor. I looked at it, disgusted, and showed it to my wife.I said, "Have you been masturbating with this?""No!" she gasped. I said, "Then why is it covered in cobwebs?"

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

To all those considering doing the "Kiki Challenge" please remember... You should never Drake and drive

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

My son has his BA and his MA—but his P­A still supports him.

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?

Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?

My son has his BA and his MA—but his P­A still supports him.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"