The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field.

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

One of my friends and I just get together to eat hot dogs and tell the honest truth. It’s a frank relationship.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.

I wasn't going to get a brain transplant. But then I changed my mind.

Eve wore a fig leaf in the garden but what did Adam wear? He wore a hole in that fig leaf.

(True story) Richard Branson was once asked what is the quickest way to become a millionaire He answered, 'to be a billionaire and start your own airline'

I'm like Hank Hill when I'm in an argument. Stern, no nonsense, and my urethra narrows.

why is japans population so old? the last time they had a little boy it didnt go so well

I finally got out of an abusive relationship I'm glad, my hands were starting to hurt! ^(Source: SrGrafo stream musings)

Many people will be celebrating alentines ay this year. It's for the people who won't be getting any v or d this February 14th.

As a Pink Floyd fan, nothing makes me angrier than seeing a vegan eating pudding. Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?