The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

A red and blue ship have collided in the Carribean sea. Apparently the suvivors are marooned.

What do you call an impotent baseball player? Two balls and a strike.

I helped my uncle jack off a horse My uncle jack is really heavy, so it was hard to get him off of the horse

*Dad walks into strip club* Dad: “Twerking hard or hardly twerking?”

[In a courtroom] Judge: Did you feel guilty at the time? Accused: No I didn’t, your honour. Guilty: Yes he did, your honour. That’s why I pressed charges against him.

What is the most calming scent? Chloroform

If robert frost was bisexual... He would have gone both ways.

A detective story 11:45 - arrived at crime scene11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain11:45 - Realised watch was broken

I went on a date with an anorexic girl She said, 'I don't want anything serious right now, I've got a lot on my plate'I said, 'I doubt it'

The leper was upset at the expensive ambulance ride to the hospital It cost him an arm and a leg

The difference between men and women What's the biggest difference between men and women?What they mean when saying "I got through a whole box of tissues watching that film"

Why does a husband lead a dog's life? He comes in with muddy feet, gets comfortable by the fire, and waits to be fed.

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.