The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

What do you call it when James Bond takes a bath? Bubble

I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.

If an English teacher is convicted of a crime and doesn't complete the sentence, is that a fragment?

What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

I just found out Albert Einstein existed. My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist.A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

Just say NO to drugs!' Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation.

Not sure if you have noticed, but I love bad puns. That’s just how eye roll.

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?

My wife said, “You weren’t even listening, were you?” And I thought, “that’s a pretty weird way to start a conversation.”

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.