The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet. I asked my eighteen brothers and sisters but they didn't have any idea either.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

You know what would really lift my spirits these days? If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

Vaginas are like gyms. I'm rarely inside one, but when I am I just sort of pretend to know what I'm doing and hope no one notices I don't.

NSFW (Actual interaction between my wife and I) Wife: "Doesn't ejaculating alot increase your testosterone and lower your voice?" Me: "Babe, if ejaculating lowered your voice, I'd have been Barry White by the time we met."

Three is a crowd Wife: Love, we’re going to be three people living in this house. Husband: Really? Am I going to be a daddy, love? Wife: Oh, no, love. My mom’s going to come and live with us.

Fisherman caught the golden shark *Please let me go and I`ll have you one wish come true*, said the shark.*I want my dick to be so long that it reaches the ground*, answered the fisherman.*Ok*, said the shark and bit his legs.

A father tells his son that he was adopted. 'I want to meet my biological parents,' the son demands. 'We are your biological parents,' the father responds. 'Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.'

How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)

If you see a crime at an Apple store, are you an iWitness?

What did the Japanese cannibal eat for dinner? Raw men

I just don't trust stairs, they're always up to something.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!

We’re renovating the house, and the first floor is going great, but the second floor is another story.

The secret service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the president is about to be attacked. Now they have to yell "Donald Duck!"