The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My printer’s name is Bob Marley. Because it’s always jammin’.

Does anybody know where a guy can find a person to hang out with, talk to, and enjoy spending time with? I'm just asking for a friend.

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.

How do lawyers say goodbye? We'll be suing ya!'

How does a lawyer say goodbye? I'll be suing ya!

What does a dad get in their stocking if they’ve been naughty? Char-coal.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

My wife asked why I didn’t buy her flowers. To be fair, I didn’t know she sold flowers.

A man went to jury duty. During a break in deliberations he and a female juror he had been flirting with snuck into the coat closet and she started giving him head. Someone knocked on the door, startling him, and he knocked himself out cold on the closet shelf. When the jury filed back into the courtroom, the judge noticed one was missing. “What happened to my 12th juror?” The jury foreman replied, “Head in-jury your honor, but I hear he just came to.”

What's common between long distance relationships and fat chicks? Both don't work out.

You may not be the dumbest person on Earth, but you better hope he doesn't die.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax? Hispanic Attacks