The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank.

To the person who stole my bed: I won't rest until I find you.

Husband: Why are you applying makeup so late at night hon? Wife: I face-lock my phone while my makeup was on & now that fucking thing isn’t working.

Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it’s always too soon.^(i feel bad)

Always have a sadistic person light your grill After all, they're literally pro-pain...

Diet Day 1...I've finally got rid of all the fattening food from the house. It was fu***ng delicious.

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank? Just ring up and say you can't cum!

"Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "John." "John who?" John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively worse. "Knock Knock""Who's there?""John.""John who?"John broke down into tears as his Mother's Alzheimer's had gotten progressively

Mind Your Words... In a packed auditorium, a hypnotist hypnotized the whole audience with a Pendulum.Suddenly, the Pendulum fell down.He said "SHIT"...It took 3 Days to clean the whole auditorium...

Where do terrorists go when they die? Everywhere.

I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1