The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Whoever stole my depression medication: I hope you’re happy.

My wife said my two biggest faults are I don’t listen and something else.

Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.

You’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you come out, but do you know what you are while you’re in there? European.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.

One friend complained to another, “All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.” “If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?” asked the second friend. “I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.”

I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

A kid decided to burn his house down. His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, “That’s arson.”

"Your wife and daughter look like twins," my friend said. "Well," I replied, "they were separated at birth."

This chick was beautiful so I asked her if she was a cop Because she took my breath away