The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

Quick tip on how to get lots of views on your Reddit posts Label it NSFW and repost (credit to a dozen other people)

Got my second shot now..... Waiting for the bartender to come back so that I can have a third shot.

What's the occupation that has the most likely hood of putting people in the hospital? Paramedic

When a girl gets pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!"... When a girl gets pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!". But none of them come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!".Moral: Hard work is never appreciated. Only results

I’m like a cat when it comes to kids I don’t really enjoy the product But I love playing with the box it came out of.

Man talking to his Wife. Husband: Babe Do you believe in Heaven.?Wife: Yeah, why.?Husband: When we die, would you like to meet up with me in Heaven.?Wife: Fuck off, the deal was until death do us part.

Well,would you? If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?

They say that 3/2 people are bad at fractions.

A man walks into a magic forest and tries to cut down a talking tree. 'You can't cut me down,' the tree complains. 'I’m a talking tree!' The man responds, 'You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.'

I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.

What’s the best kind of bird to work for a construction company? A crane.

What’s the best kind of bird to work for a construction company? A crane.

I'm Buzz Aldrin, second man to step on the moon. Neil before me.