The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

“Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?" She responded, “I’m Bixby, you moron.”

“Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?" She responded, “I’m Bixby, you moron.”

Well, I know it's childish, but me and my girlfriend have just had a great time having a pillow fight and I won! The secret is to stuff a few bricks in there..

What’s the difference between the “China Virus” and the Vietnam War? Trump dodged the Vietnam War.

My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!! Man, that sentence was way too long.

Did you hear about the cocaine addicted improv actor? He was constantly thinking about his next line

When you don't have a lot of work experience, but you have a lot of ex-girlfriends "Progressive problem solving skills in an increasingly difficult work environment, with ever increasing productivity goals, only for the company to downsize and lay you off because 'it wasn't you, it was me' reasons."

Why do women find the guy in 50 Shades of Grey sexy? beats me

One friend complained to another, 'All my husband and I do anymore is fight. I've been so upset, I’ve lost 20 pounds.' 'If it’s that bad, why don’t you just leave him?' asked the second friend. 'I’d like to lose another fifteen pounds first.'

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.

What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIINS!”

Dogs can’t operate MRI machines — but cats-can.

Dear Math, it's time to grow up and solve your own problems.

Need your eggs fertilized this Easter? I've got a cock for that. Just needs grains 2x a day.