The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.

I went to a seafood disco last week! Pulled a mussel!

What did the Japanese cannibal eat for dinner? Raw men

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?

“Siri,” I asked my phone, “why am I so bad with women?" She responded, “I’m Bixby, you moron.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other 'Does this taste funny to you?

My wife wanted to spice up our sex life, so she asked if we could play doctor tonight. It seemed like a weird idea, but I’m eager to please.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

“Roses are red, violets are red, if you aren’t red, you get shot in the head.” \-Stalin 1946

My boss told me we're starting drug testing next week.. I said no prob, but I ain't trying meth.

I think it's just deplorable all the sexist people who want to undermine Katherine Bouman's role in the black hole photo. we all know with NASA's budget they could of never afforded a man.

My sister is taking part in a social experiment. She has to wear a “Boris is doing his best “ t-shirt for 2 weeks and see how people react. So far she’s been spit on, punched and had a bottle thrown at her! I’m curious to see what happens when she goes outside.

They always told me to put 5 colors on my plate to stay healthy. So how did I get diabetes on my M&M only diet?

I hate being locked inside a microwave It really makes my blood boil

I had a health form for my doctor to fill out today. He reached into his pocket and pulled out an old mercury thermometer. “Shit,” he said. “Some asshole has my pen!”