The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

What do call a criminal landing an airplane? ConDescending.

My doctor told me I was going deaf. The news was hard for me to hear.

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

If two vegetarians get in an argument, is it still called beef?

I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic...It’s called the Plaguestation 5.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

Mom said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

What do you call a locomotive carrying bubble gum? A chew chew train.

All vampires keep their money in a special place—the blood bank.

A rabbi, a priest, and a black guy are on an airplane... The plane is full of kids but only has 2 parachutes. The black guy grabs one and bails immediately.Rabbi: Give me the last parachute!Priest: But what about the kids?Rabbi: FUCK THE KIDS!Priest: Do we have time?!

- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep… \- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…\- Son, don't panic, it's only 2 kilograms, no big deal. \- Well, there are some Colombians who'd disagree with you mom…

My wife and I had two miscarriages last year, and I believe there should be more jokes about miscarriages so we talk about it more... The only problem is most of the jokes die before you finish delivering them.—————————————————————*The title of the post is true and humor is how I deal with my pain*