The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

NSFW? This may be a old one. I have not seen my uncle for 5 months. When I saw him, he told me “researchers have discovered why people were hoarding all the toilet paper. It was due to whenever someone sneezed or coughed, 10 other people shit their pants.”

What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password? A battering R.A.M.

I went to a party, but to my horror, everyone was wearing costumes! I opened my wallet, pulled out a condom and rolled it over my nose. The frowning host asked me, "What're you supposed to be!?" I replied, "Fuck knows."

In my home state of Mississippi, it's illegal to do the reverse cowgirl because because in Mississippi we never turn our backs on family.

I asked the IT guy, 'How do you make a Motherboard?' He said, 'I tell her about my job.'

How many telemarketers does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to do it during dinner.

I talk to myself because sometimes I just need expert advice.

Why was the stadium so hot after the game? Because all the fans left.

How do flat-earthers travel? On a plane.

Whenever I try to eat healthy, a chocolate bar looks at me and Snickers.'

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said 'parking fine.'

“Whoever stole my depression medication — I hope you’re happy now.”

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

Last night my wife and I watched two DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

I tell dad jokes but I have no kids. I’m a faux pa!