The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

A lady is giving birth. After she pushes and pushes, the baby is born. Doctor: "Mam, I have good news and bad news. Lady: Give me the bad news first.Doctor: your baby has red hair.Lady: Thank goodness! What's the good news!Doctor: It's stillborn

I was making a meal for a family dinner But I accidentally burnt the foodWhen my family came to eat they said it was terribleAnd I replied “At least the fire alarm thought it was fire”

My mother has been teaching me how to make my favourite meals, but there's one that I just can't seem to get right. I'm great at lasagne, fantastic with casseroles but as soon as I get my hands on minced beef and beans..It's chilli-con-carnage.

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?'

Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

Evangelists don’t need health care. They’re on the single prayer system.

I went to a smoke shop only to discover it'd been replaced by an apparel store. Clothes, but no cigar.

I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

"Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing."

If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you're a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called.

Who is the most lonely billionaire? Alone musk.

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I posted on Facebook, “I’m getting a divorce,” she was the first one to like it.

30 percent of pet owners let their pets sleep in their bed. I tried it and my goldfish died.

Boss: You're fired. Me: *turns in my gun and my badge * Boss: You're a waiter where did you get those