The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Apparently, Marx was right about religion being the opiate of the masses. I just heard someone on the radio talking about mainlining Protestant churches.

I heard you like tree puns... Willow Yule please tell me what kind Juniper Fir?

What did Zayn say to his girlfriend after winning the match? Gg Hadid

I’m always playing with it. I always have it in my hand. I pull it out at family parties or hanging out with friends. I’ve been known to just whip it out in public, at the park, at the playground. I’m talking about my phone, you sicko!

I have an idea for a restaurant, it’s a mixture of Jimmy John’s and a strip club I’ll call it “Jimmy Dongs”

The amount of Valentine's day cards I got this year has left me breathless. Turns out the card shop has a security guard and he gives a good chase.

Customer service at restaurants is HORRIBLE. Every time I use one of their restrooms, I see "Employees must wash hands" on the mirror. So I wait for HOURS, but not ONCE has an employee EVER showed up to wash them for me.

I have the ability to leave a building 5m before the fire alarm starts I call it premature evacuation.

You know what disease is really hard to beat? Erectile dysfunction. (This better be OC, I just thought of it as my pharmacist denied my viagra prescription)

How do you get Texas to regulate their power grid? Rename it uterus.

I bought a pair of Meatloaf underpants [NSFW] The front says "I would do anything for love", and the back says "but I won't do that".

People be like I am fat because my mother cooks good food... ...I am like I am single because I have strong hands.

I’m fat but I self identify as thin. I’m trans slender

Vin Diesel eats two meals a day. Breakfast and breakfurious.

My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.