The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine: we just get better with age. The next day she locked me in the cellar.

I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend. She was obsessed with an X.

How do you get a blind person to see? Usually by boat.

What do you call a man wearing a rug on his head? Matt.

How come the Hulk doesn't lose his pants when he transforms? The experiment altered his jeans.

"I'll call you later." Don't call me later, call me Dad.

I was in a job interview the other day and they asked if I could perform under pressure. I said no, but I could perform Bohemian Rhapsody.

To the person who stole my depression medication: I hope you're happy now.

What do you call a sad cup of coffee? Depresso.

I have a joke about being a rejected organ donor, but I just don't have the guts.

A dog walks into the unemployment office.. "I need a job." He said, in perfect English.Surprised, the clerk says "I'm sure the circus would be very interested in you. Shall I contact them?""If you like." Replied the dog. "But why would the circus need an architect?"

A man goes into a book shop and asks the assistant, "I heard there's a new book just out about living with a small penis. I'm not sure what it's called. Have you got it in yet?" Assistant: "Yes, that's the one."(Other versions have been posted but I reckon this is the right formulation...)

Why don't birds were underpants? Because their peckers are on their faces.

The surgeon general warns, "do not run while smoking marijuana". It's hard on your joints.