The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

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Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it’s always too soon.^(i feel bad)

Yesterday I dressed up as a woman to further understand the struggles women deal with every day. Apparently, women are often called a “cross-dressing weirdo”.

The pathology lab was robbed last night. The stool samples were gone! The supervisor couldn't believe it. He lost his shit.

It's brave to admit you have an STD. Always clap for those folks!

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

Siri,' I asked my phone, 'why am I so bad with women?' She responded, 'I’m Bixby, you moron.'

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I was going to go on an expensive vacation with a classical pianist, but he was too baroque.

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

Donald Trump is being followed by smart ideas But he's faster

I wish my ex was a WiFi network so I could forget her.