The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Mom texted me from the grocery store to say they’re out of pasta, and we’re penneless.

To the person who stole my diary and then died: My thoughts are with your family.

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

[NSFW] Oregon has legalized cocaine for a small amount. They called it "The Oregon Trail".

Hey girl, are you a gorilla pit? Cause I'd love to drop a kid in you

Wife: oh, I better not get any more food. Husband: No, fill up your plate baby. Remember, you're eating for two now. Dinner guests: ooh? Expecting?Husband: **looks at them puzzled as his wife starts regurgitating food down his throat**

I went to my local library to look for a book on small penises With not alot of luck I decided to ask the librarian - "Have you seen the book about small penises?" she replied "It isn't in yet" I said "Yeah, that's the one!"

What's easier to get from Trump than a stimulus check? A pardon.

There was a ninja who attacked people with high-powered semen. No one would ever see him coming.

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood? Not a dam thing.

I need new pals. So I was at my locker before class with all the stuff I like in front of me, attached to yarn. "What're you doing?" asks the Principal. "Fishing for a new friend group. This is stuff Im into they may like." I said. "You cant leave this stuff laying here." He says. So I say "Why..." It's just clique bate.

The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers) Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said "Can I have a word?"

Hi, I'm a mental health therapist helping people to be more at peace with their lives. Check out my Instagram! I'm a content creator.

I’ve noticed my wife gets very aggressive about controlling the TV remote at the same time each month. It’s nothing but period drama.