The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

What do you call two ducks and a cow? Quackers and milk.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him.

(Not mine) A man in a trench coat walks up to three old ladies sitting on a park bench He opens up his coat at them, the first old lady had a stroke, the second old lady had a stroke, the third old lady absolutely refused to touch it.

Honesty is the best policy But by process of elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Keep that in mind.

All my friends told me I have no self-awareness Ridiculous, if I had no self-awareness I think I'd know.

My old Gramps used to say "If you've got a screwdriver set, an adjustable spanner and a soldering iron you can fix anything!" Senile old cunt, I've just made a right fucking mess of my niece's poorly gerbil.

Son: Dad, why is destruction a form of creation? Dad: Well son, you see, I destroyed your mom's pussy to create your ass.

Missing South Africa In Toronto I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read: "I miss South Africa." So I broke the window, took the radio and left a note that read: "I hope this helps."

I was 16 minutes late for my first math lecture, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third. At this rate, I’ll never be there on time.

What's the difference between a prostitute and the American health system? Nothing. They both f*ck around with you and do absolutely nothing unless you pay them.

Sex is like playing billiards. You have a cue, you have balls, you have a hole and the important rule is that the white one must not go in.

Limmerick from The Crown on Netflix There once was a girl named Sally Who enjoyed the occasional dallyShe sat on the lapOf a well-endowed chapAnd cried "Sir! You're right up my alley."

How much does it cost Santa to park his sleigh?' 'Nothing, it's on the house.'

That car looks nice but the muffler seems exhausted.'