The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

My wife said my two biggest faults are I don’t listen and something else.

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” No sun.

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

You don’t know anything about pain until you’ve seen your own baby drowned in a tub... And you definitely don’t know anything about how to wash a baby...(Anthony Jeselnik)

Naked and Afraid is a fun show because you get to watch the participants removed from their comfort zones and they try and get something edible within the allotted time in order to survive a harsh environment that will punish them for every failure. Incidentally, that is also why I watch Chopped.

Do you know why Bill Cosby likes Jam more than he likes Jelly? Because he can't jelly his dick in someone.

I just began a sexual relationship with a blind woman. Took me ages to get her husband's voice right, but at least I know she won't be seeing other people.

I'm surprised the pandemic has lasted this long. I thought trump trusted doctors to fix his mistakes before they hit 9 months

My friend believes The Office is the best television show, and belittles anyone that thinks otherwise I'm so tired of these Dwight Supremacists

Why are most weather forecasters men? Because when they promise a foot, you know you're only getting three inches.

What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? Does this taste funny to you?

What group of people never get angry? Nomads.

I don't play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I'm just doing it for kicks!'