The Best (and Worst) Dad Puns & Wordplay 👋

A stray kitten showed up at my door. I was like " you got to be kitten me.

Why is the Joker's makeup like a whitewashed tomb, his lips like torn paper, his eyes like burning suns? Because when he was young, the Joker's father said"Let's put a simile on that face!"

Why don't gymnasts make much money as actors? They normally perform non-speaking rolls

What goes through a potato's brain? Tater thoughts.

Did you hear Gordon Ramsay wrote a book about herbs? It’s about thyme!

I'm not impressed by Brian May's astrophysics degree. I heard he called Mercury a star.

I have a medical condition, where i sometimes Turn into a small Tower with a weapon on top. My doctor said, it is called "Turret-Syndrome"

What do you call sad coffee? Despresso.

I picked up a hitchhiker last night. He seemed surprised I picked up a stranger and asked. “Thanks but why’d you pick me up? How do you know I’m not a serial killer?” I told him the chances of two serial killers in one car would be astronomical.

Norwegian naval ships all have large bar codes painted on their hulls... So when they return to port a sailor can scan da navy in.

What's a sheep's favourite musical instrument ? A Ewekulele

What did Jesus say to the crowd of bakers? Let he who is without sin cast the first scone.

A cow and a cat are chatting in a field... ...and ultimately don't quite come to agreement on the topic of discussion. The cat walks off smarmily and says, "Well, see you later, prime rib." And the cow replies, "Yep, see you later, Kung Pao Chicken."

What do you call it when you have your grandmother on speed dial. Instagram

How does a squid go into battle? Well-Armed