The Best (and Worst) Dad Puns & Wordplay 👋

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

I could tell a joke about pizza, but it's a little cheesy.'

Never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.'

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.'

My friend claims he glued himself to his autobiography. I don't believe him, but that's his story and he's sticking to it.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!

I have a clean conscious—it's never been used.

Did you hear about the outlet who got in a fight with the power cord? He thought he could socket to him.

My friend wants to become an archaeologist, but I’m trying to put him off. I’m convinced his life will be in ruins.

A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, 'I’m sorry, but you only have ten left.' The patient asks him, 'Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?' The doctor calmly looks at him and says, 'Nine.'

I have a clean conscious—it's never been used.

I just found out Albert Einstein existed. My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist.A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

I don’t trust stairs. They are always up to something.