The Best (and Worst) Funny Fatherhood Jokes 👋

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

Wanna hear a joke about construction? I'm still workin' on it!

Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.

A son tells his father, “I have an imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know, you could do better.” “Thanks Dad,” the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and goes, “I was talking to your girlfriend.”

How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.

Ever since we started quarantining, I've only been telling inside jokes.

What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea? Their crews were marooned.

Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

My wife gave birth three times and still fits in her prom dress from high school. I gave birth zero times and I don’t fit in my pants from March.

When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.

I just found out Albert Einstein existed. My whole life I thought he was a theoretical physicist.A comma. A literalist takes everything literally. A kleptomaniac takes everything, literally.

As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, “You know one would have been enough.”

I have a joke about being a rejected organ donor, but I just don't have the guts.