The Best (and Worst) New & Fresh Dad Jokes 👋

I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows.

The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America... The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage.

An Imperial Roman soldier was wounded on the battlefield. His life was saved when he was time traveled to the modern world to be hooked up to an IV. He asked, "What is that for?"

August 20, 2020: Scientists have discovered a "mystery object" in space. The object is equal to 2.6 solar masses. March 1, 2021: (Update) Scientists have determined that the “mystery object” is made up of unmatched socks.

When you call 911 no matter where you are your phone will connect to even the smallest amount of service to get your call through They use the same idea to make mobile game ads

I asked the librarian if she knew who authored any books on dinosaurs. She said, "Try Sarah Topps."

Iron-man and Silver Surfer are teaming up The are alloys now.

I have a degree in the design and mechanics of television controllers I don't know what I'm going to do with this remote knowledge.

What do you call 26 letters that went for a swim? Alphawetical.

I just got a promotion at the farm. I’m the new CIEIO.

I saw a 1000 year old oil stain… It was from ancient Greece.

My son told me he’s going to work forever. But not for a salary, he won’t need to get paid when he’s older, but he’ll have so many good ideas that he’ll have to keep at it. Working all the time to crank out his inventions and art and literature and all that. So I ask him to share some ideas with me. "I can’t share them with you, I haven’t started having them yet."

Have you heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mainly wrap.

Anyone looking to buy a Delorean? Good shape, good mileage. Only driven from time to time

What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The Space Bar.