The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes About Amazon & Tech 👋

Yogurt is the most high class dairy product to buy. It’s so cultured.

Why did the phone wear glasses? Because it lost all its contacts.

If you see a robbery at an Apple store, does that make you an iWitness?

How do you cancel an appointment at the sperm bank? Just ring up and say you can't cum!

I finally found the courage to tell my suitcases there will be no holiday abroad this year. Now, I'm dealing emotional baggage.

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.

I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she just called to cancel.

What does a bee use to brush its hair?' 'A honeycomb!'

Where do boats go when they're sick? To the dock.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said 'parking fine.'

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere!

I went to join a health club today and saw a sign on its door that said ‘Look better in 10 days or your money back.’ I then wrote out a check and handed it over to the girl at the front desk. The girl looked at me and said, “Keep it. We’re gonna mail it back to you anyways.”

Mosquitos in Africa be like It's-a me! Malario!

Mike Pence walks into the Oval Office and sees Trump whooping and hollering. "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired."Nothing at all, boss. I just finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed."How long did it take you?""Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

Wife: oh, I better not get any more food. Husband: No, fill up your plate baby. Remember, you're eating for two now. Dinner guests: ooh? Expecting?Husband: **looks at them puzzled as his wife starts regurgitating food down his throat**