The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people—the student, his mama, and his pauper.

Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants? They give him good case ideas.

Q: How does the man in the moon get his hair cut? A: Eclipse it

If you're feeling depressed, try drinking a gallon of water before you go to sleep. It'll give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

A father tells his son that he was adopted. 'I want to meet my biological parents,' the son demands. 'We are your biological parents,' the father responds. 'Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.'

My wife said if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it. So i bought her a candle.

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'

Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

You think swimming with sharks is expensive? Swimming with sharks cost me an arm and a leg.'

How do you teach kids about taxes? Eat 38% of their ice cream.

Two Blonde Girls chatting. Blonde 1: I understand how you get Bob from Robert& Bill from William, but how do you get Dick from Richard?Blonde 2: Show him your Pussy.....

There's shop in the mall selling ice picks, knives, leather gloves, shovels, brass knuckles, ropes, and women's stockings It was called "Accessories To The Crime"

Why are there no school shootings in Afghanistan? America already bombed the schools.

What’s the difference between a sperm bank and a regular bank? After you make a deposit at the sperm bank, you lose interest.