The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Women should not have children after 36—really, 36 children is enough.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

What's a lawyer's favorite drink? Subpoena colada.

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.

I haven’t talked to my wife in a week — I didn’t want to interrupt her.

I’d like to have kids one day. I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

What's the difference between a man's wallet before and after kids? There are pictures where the money used to be.

I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins... All the lads were very impressed but one asked; "How do you tell them apart?" "Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

I put on my mask before I entered the bank, but everyone still got super pissed at me. Turns out, you're not allowed to go in with a shotgun and loudly ask to make a substantial withdrawal.

It is only when you see a mosquito land on your balls... that you realize there's always a way to solve problems without using violence.

When I was young my mom grounded me for having a file on pc with the name "boobies pics" I never understood why bird watching was wrong

Whenever my husband opens his wardrobe he shouts and curses. I think he's a cross dresser.

An old lady at the bank asked me to help check her balance So I pushed her over

By tightly securing our Nuclear Arsenal through human, digital, mechanical and chemical means, we've been able to almost completely eliminate the risk of nuclear warhead explosions due to accidents or hostile attacks, however if these past four years have taught us something ... ... it's that we also need to equip our nukes with child locks.