The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Me and a couple of friends once played 'Message in a bottle' on the street on self made instruments and old metal bins for drums. But then The Police came.

Trump followed through with his plan to get rid of illegal immigrants By making America so bad they'll leave on their own.

Know why geese kill more humans every year than sharks? Because it's really hard for geese to kill sharks.Seriously though, fuck geese.

Hail Storms Long may they rain

My teacher used to tell me that I would never amount to anything by looking out of the window all day Man did I feel smug as I passed him his burger and fries at the drive-through last night

I WENT to the bank and asked to open a joint account. The banker said, ”Certainly , with who?” I said, “With anyone who has money.”

My Girlfriend wants to put on her makeup. Me: You don't need makeup.GF: Aww thanks Me: You need plastic surgery

When I was 6 I found out I had a life threathening disease. I had to cover myself in urine once a day to stay alive I am just lucky my brother told me about it

Sure, I might flip over a table in an argument, but I'd never tip over a bookcase. I have too much shelf respect.

What’s the difference between a professional fisherman and a teenage boy? One’s a master baiter, the other’s a masturbator!

I had to take a drug test to see if I was on hallucinogens I passed with flying colors

Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent.

I called a suicide support line in the middle east They got excited and asked me i if i know how to drive a car

How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods, but harder to deter gents.