The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I'm reading a horror story in braille. Something bad is going to happen, I can just feel it.

How do nonbinary people hurt each other? They slash them. (They/them)

If prisoners could take their own mug shots…They’d be called cellfies.

I tried to explain to my 4-year-old son that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But he’s still making fun of me.

My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we 'be positive,' but it’s just so hard without him.

I remember as a kid, my dad got fired from his job as a road worker for theft. I refused to believe he could do such a thing, but when I got home, the signs were all there.

Do you know how many people are dead at a cemetery? All of them.

What happens to Jason Momoa once he dies? He becomes Jason Nomoa.

Did you hear Bruce Springsteen changed the lyrics to one of his songs? What’s he going to change next—his hair? His clothes? His face?

When I die, I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smokin’ hot body.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

What happened to the lost beef shipment? Nobody's herd.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

Dude explaining how he made his first $10 million: 1. Get up at 5:00AM every day 2. 90 minutes of cardio 3. Take a cold shower 4. Journal 5. Schedule out your day 6. Dad owns Fortune 500 company 7. Meditate

Motel A man checks into a motel. He asks for a queen bed and non smoking. The lady at the desk asks if he has any special requests. The man requests that the porn be disabled. The woman yells at the man "you sick bastard! We only have regular porn here!”