The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

At the job interview, they asked me, 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform under pressure. I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked 'Bohemian Rhapsody.'

A ship carrying red paint and a ship carrying blue paint collide in the middle of the ocean. Both crews were marooned.

I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner—it was just gathering dust!'

My wife told me to quit doing my terrible Arnold impression, but don't worry, I'll return.

I bought Spotify premium for an uninterrupted music experience. But I still hear my wife’s bickering between songs.

I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.

What did the buffalo say to its son when he left? Bison!

How does a lawyer say goodbye? I'll be suing ya!

I have a scary joke about math, but I'm 2² to say it.

Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

I had a one night stand, and afterwards she used my toothbrush I made kind of a big deal about it, because that’s pretty grossShe said, “Well we just had sex, what’s the difference?”I said, “*Well* I was planning on using that toothbrush again”

I accidentally walked into my daughter’s room and was shocked to see her reenacting a fantasy scene from 50 Shades of Grey. Like the one where she gets a decent job right out of college.

Santa was accused of impregnating five women in a single year, but the claims cannot be true. Why?Because Santa only comes once a year.