The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

To the person who stole my diary and then died: My thoughts are with your family.

I asked the IT guy, "How do you make a Motherboard?" He said, "I tell her about my job."

I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn't like it.

“Just say NO to drugs!” Well, if I’m talking to drugs, I probably already said yes.

If cooking one meal doesn’t make you a chief Then sucking one dick shouldn’t make you gay...Right???

Why do girls always have the last word in an argument Cause their the ones with a period

(NSFW) A worm crawls out of a plate of spaghetti and says “Damn, that was one hell of a gang bang!”

What do women and saxophones have in common? They both blow and make different noises when you finger them.

Wife told me she slept with 7 people before we met. I wouldn't mind, but I was only 20 minutes late.

My wife took off her shirt and bra right when I was winning an argument..... It was a booby trap.

Naked and Afraid is a fun show because you get to watch the participants removed from their comfort zones and they try and get something edible within the allotted time in order to survive a harsh environment that will punish them for every failure. Incidentally, that is also why I watch Chopped.

I asked my wife if I was the only one she slept with. She said yes—the others were 7’s and 8’s.

I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!