The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

Dad cooks dinner. He gives his kids deer meat, but doesn't tell them but gives them a clue.Dad: What kind of meat is this, it's something mom calls me every day.Sarah: OMG Billy, It's an asshole don't eat it.

What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common? What do paedophiles and tortoises have in common?They both want to get there before the hair

"Grandma, have you seen my LSD?" Grandma replies "Fuck the LSD, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"

I wont let the load of one small murder weigh me down... ... because I'm a mass murderer.

Samuel L. Jackson is in a field surrounded by 100 rakes. "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I'VE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHER-FUCKING RAKES ON THIS MOTHER-FUCKING PLAIN!"

A man gets home and sees his wife pleasuring herself with a cucumber "What are you doing?" he shouts, "I have to eat that later, and I don't want it tasting like cucumber!"

I told my therapist I've been having suicidal thoughts He now makes me pay in advance

I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

Just watched “Chernobyl”. Turned to my wife and asked if I could put my “Control Rod” into her “RBMK Reactor” She said no and had a complete meltdown.

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic.

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

I asked my date to meet me at the gym but she never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.

Doctor: you'll soon be at peace Man: am I dying?Doctor: no, your wife is