The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

I thought it was just the U.S's insatiable need for inexpensive, single-use, remote controlled electronic junk that my son always wants crappy toys made in China that break after 5 days But it seems China feels the same way about their rockets.

A pair of obviously wasted jumper cables walks into a bar and says to the bartender "gimmie a drink buddy."The bartender looks him up and down and says, "alright, I will give you one drink. But you better not start something!"

Dicks never leave a tip. It's the hands' job.

If Edward Cullen ever went down on Bella during her period....... ......... Won't that be called dessert?

I have a joke about hunting for fossils, but you probably wouldn’t dig it.

I have a joke about trickle-down economics, but 99% of you will never get it.

To the person who stole my place in line: I’m after you now.

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days. I said it must be my weekend immune system.

I only drink on days beginning with "T" Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow

A guy says to the bartender "Give me something tall, cold and full of gin." The drunk on the next stool turn angrily and says "Be careful. You are speaking about the woman I love."

To the person who stole my diary and then died: My thoughts are with your family.

My therapist told me I have problems expressing my emotions. Can’t say I’m surprised.

My love for you is like an hourglass I always finish on the bottom.

Do you like pop music, like Imagine Dragons? Well imagine dragon these nuts across your chin.

I never knew my wife could have so much fun with a cucumber, a banana and a coke bottle Until I saw how happy she was making my lunch today.