The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes for Adults 👋

If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery…I’ll kill him with my bear hands.

Mom is mad at me because she asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it in the ocean.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.

Not to brag but I made six figures last year. I was also named worst employee at the toy factory.

I went to high school with a kid names Stains The class wouldn’t stop laughing when the teacher said “Come Stains, in my office”

A Blind Professional Fisherman, Is Given the Honerary Title of "Master Baiter" *He replies* : " It's easy. You just grab your worm, wrap it tight. Cast your pole, and just pray that you inevitably smell something fishy."

I suggested to my missus that I was her birthday present. She said she hoped I kept the receipt.

I tried experimenting on roots Trying to grow strong plants to survive in harsh environments. I gave one water, and the other steroids.A root didn't stand a chance against b root strength

If women drink a glass of red wine, it increases the chance of a stroke. If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck.

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

Did you hear about the walnut and cashew that threw a party? It was nuts.

You know people say they pick their noses… but I feel like I was just born with mine!

"Cop: I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia." Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What is the difference between a literalist and a kleptomaniac?