The Best (and Worst) Dad Jokes That Make You Groan 👋

What's the most peaceful musical instrument? I don't know, but violins isn't the answer.

‌‌I wa‌‌s walkin‌‌g wit‌‌h m‌‌y girlfrien‌‌d whe‌‌n ‌‌a rando‌‌m gu‌‌y whistle‌‌d a‌‌t he‌‌r an‌‌d sai‌‌d, "Nic‌‌e ass"‌‌. Sh‌‌e wa‌‌s clearl‌‌y annoye‌‌d an‌‌d demande‌‌d ‌‌I sa‌‌y something. S‌‌o ‌‌I turne‌‌d aroun‌‌d an‌‌d said, "Than‌‌k yo‌‌u I'v‌‌e bee‌‌n doin‌‌g squats."

I tried texting with gloves and it just wouldn't work... So I went back to texting with a phone.

Me: Hey boss, can I get a few weeks of vacation time during Christmas? Boss: It’s May.Me: Fine. May I get a few weeks of vacation time during Christmas?

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better... Thank God.

So what if I don't know what apocalypse means? It's not the end of the world.

How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it.

I like to spend my weekends playing chess with elderly men in the park. But it's becoming more difficult. You try finding exactly32 old guys.

My wife and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.

Why don't eggs tell jokes? They'd crack each other up.'

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve food here.’

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.

I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

To the person who stole my place in the queue. I’m after you now.

I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered.'